I used to write poetry all the time; I've lost a lot of them, but I wanted to post some of my (in my mind) better works here. I've included the years for each to give a little insight into my mind at the time. I'll try to keep them in order but I don't make any promises. I hope you enjoy.
Note: I am trying to find a few other poems that I've written, that I felt were some of my best works, but they have been lost. They come from the period in between the ones I have here; I'm hoping to find a copy written down somewhere. Wish me luck!
My eyes are dark from the lies of my past
But you hold me, and I forget it all
And when you say "I love you"
I can actually almost see you here
And though I find it hard to trust
I loosen around you
Unwilling to believe that you could ever hurt me
Dreading the day you prove me wrong
Hoping to God it never comes
Because all I want
Is to stay here with you forever ...
Every now and then you say "yeah"
Like something's going to happen
But something else unerringly comes up
And plans are lost, left in the dust,
And you run off and I run away
Fading faster
Until I'm no longer yours
But if you look closely I never really was
You caught glimpses of me
On your way here or there and I
Stood, watching you go
Like a puppet without strings
Crying invisible tears
Now you say I've left you...
But where had I to go?
I can't eat,
I can't sleep,
I can't breathe.
I can't talk,
I can't stand,
I can't think.
Lost in my head,
I drift to another place.
Like maggots into my brain
You take me over,
Consuming my flesh,
Corroding my faith,
Eating away at every hope.
I can't imagine the truth -
Every lie you told me
Has blinded me,
Has made me numb.
By leaving you I've lost
Everything I hold dear to me,
Every sacred dream
Has turned into a scar.
I'm not okay.
I put on this smile,
Tell everyone I'm fine,
When only you and I know the truth.
I wish it was easy -
The way it used to be -
Lying on the floor with you is now
A distant memory
I can never get out of my head.
Trapped in my false security
I fall again...
I'm not going to try and say it was love at first sight
Because it wasn't.
Falling in love with you was never in my plan.
I just wanted to be friends
But things started to grow
Until they got bigger than I could handle.
The things I feel when I'm around you
Are so different than anything
I've ever felt before.
No one else has given me butterflies
With every single kiss, and
I'd give just about anything
To feel that type of high for the rest of my life.
Over the years
Alot of people have tried to sway me from you,
But I can't help the way I feel.
Many times I tried to follow their advice
And 'just move on already'
But inside I knew I never could.
A few times I had almost managed
To convince myself it was all over
But every time, you came back into my life
And my emotions would surge back
And knock me down, and
I'd be back to square one.
I really don't know
What I want or need to say.
No matter how I try,
The words that I write to you
Will always come out all wrong.
I guess what it all boils down to is...
Will you be my forever?
I read over your words
Again and again
As if they have some magic power,
Some secret strength inside,
To make everything better,
Like every word is golden.
But I'd trade in every page
In a single instant
Just to be by your side tonight.
I'm lost and alone
And you can't see my pain.
I hide it from you the most.
I know I need to show you
But the words won't come out.
So used to hiding,
So afraid of letting you in,
Afraid of giving you power over me,
But the truth is it's yours;
It always has been.
I won't let you see my tears,
I won't let you know my fears,
I won't let you see the holes I hold in my heart
I can't seem to unlock.
These chains around me
The locks are all rusted
I've been locked down for so long.
Too many words I still need to hear
Too many things I still have to fear
Too many promises there still are to break
Too many wishes I'm too afraid to make
Too many thoughts that won't leave my head
Too many nights all alone in this bed
Too many dreams that won't go away
Too many times I've feared my last day
Too many fears, too many worries
Too many thoughts spilled out in a hurry
Too many secrets, too many lies
Too many nights I just wanted to die
Too many thoughts wasted on the past
Too many mistakes to feel like an ass
Too many walls I'm too afraid to climb
Too many days and yet not enough time
Too many holes drilled too deep in my heart
And too many tears shed each day we're apart.
The way I feel is pathetic.
I hate how you can smash me to dust
And still I'll come crawling back
Because no one else knows how to fix me.
You've broken my heart so many times
I wish I could just move on, let go,
But I'd rather spend an eternity being
Miserable with you
Than waste a single day being
Happy in the arms of someone else.
Why am I so addicted to your brand of pain?
I made the mistake of making you my world
And you say what you love about me most
Is that I don't leave
Is that I let you do this
And still I beg for more.
Maybe one day I'll get smart and break
This pedestal I've put you on
But until that day comes, enjoy your spot
High atop my universe
My poison princess.